freckiejackie

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Month: March, 2013

LionsX11 with C and his family

by freckiejackie

Today C and I went bowling + arcade then went to watch Singapore’s team play soccer against Malaysia with his parents. Then we had supper with them. It was one of the most “nice” feeling I’ve ever felt. I felt so accepted and.. so blessed. They told me and talked about Christian’s past when he was a young boy etc. 

It was a really wonderful feeling. I love his mother too! It just felt so right. I hope nothing ever changes between us. ❤ 

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by Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

You think you are going to save me. You don’t know what that means. People have sold you this image of a knight, or a prince, or at least a hero in a Purple Label suit, but it is silly. I don’t need that, and even if I wanted it, I am not so shallow as to think that a stranger could provide it for me.

I say that I love you, and maybe I do, but it will always pale in comparison to the aching, complex, ultimately rewarding love I have for myself. Over the past 20-something years, I have learned to grow comfortable with myself. There are parts of me I would change, but overall, I think that I’m a good person. I touch myself with care. I forgive myself. So many people who have claimed to love me have not afforded me the same courtesy. It’s not…

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by freckiejackie

For the first time in a long looooong time.. 

I told a guy that I love him. It took me quite a while to say it. But I know that if I hadn’t, he would leave. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve broken his heart and pushed him away, but somehow I knew that this time, he would never come back. And I don’t ever want that to happen. 

He poured his heart out to me. He explicitly told me that he love me for the first time. He told me he would give his life up for me. He told me I’m the one in his heart. I’m the one he wants. I’m the one he’s ever wanted.

It was all too much for me to take in. I couldn’t make a sound. I didn’t know what to say. He told me that I don’t love him. For a moment, I believed him. But when he looked so broken and upset with him, I realised my heart was throbbing and aching. Hey, I love this guy. 

So thankful for last night’s 7hours talk. Even though when he had a hard time getting me to really talk about my feelings. 

I’ve never come so far before in a relationship and I’m thankful that he’s the one. 

by Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

15 Things That Make Us Paranoid… Or Is It Just Me? Crap, It’s Probably Just Me

1. This only applies when it’s night time, but if there’s tiny sliver of an opening between blinds that leaves a little visibility into your home, it automatically feels as if someone has to be out there lurking, watching your every move.

2. Attempting to kill a bug, but not being able to find the remains. It seems that in television and film, if you don’t actually witness the antagonist’s death, or see it’s lifeless body scooped up by toilet paper, and flushed down a toilet, there’s a great possibility that it’s still alive.

3. When the person driving in front of you discards their cigarette butt out of their window, and you imagine its ashes somehow flying up into the engine or muffler, igniting your entire vehicle into flames.

4. When you’re walking past or standing in front of people, and they start laughing. Something about laughter happening behind…

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by freckiejackie

 

I just don’t know if I ever will be able to break down these barriers.

I don’t know if it’s because it’s the person or it’s just me and my stupid ass bubble. FTS 

by Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

1. The one who doesn’t want to deal with society.

You are just not interested in seeing people, and have no real justification for that other than “my soul is tired.” You would much prefer staying in, keeping to yourself, and surfing on the internet (with chat feature safely off). It’s just that the outside world involves so much judgment, so much challenging interaction, and such a high risk of running into people you have absolutely zero interest in seeing. You are the person who is most happy when curled up in their blanket with only one hand protruding for scrolling/clicking purposes.

2. The one who can’t go out enough.

You are deeply considering getting “Where Is The Fucking Party” tattooed across your chest because it is one of those nights — as tends to happen once every so often, much like a werewolf — where you are looking to…

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Mr Nice Guy, B

by freckiejackie

I don’t think saying “thank you” is sufficient for everything you’ve done for me. You’ve always went the extra mile for me without expecting ANY form of returns at all. Okay, maybe one. That is for me to accept them. But I can’t, you see? I can’t just receive and take advantage of your kindness and affection towards me when I know that I clearly would not be able to do the same for you.

When we were at Avalon with the rest the other night, I’m sure it was a rough night for you but you didn’t walk away. Just because you may be disappointed and feeling rejected and low because of the things you’ve overheard, you did not mistreat me and my friends. You were a true blue gentleman and led us out of the crowd and even waited for us to take cabs home.

I know you’d have definitely overheard C’s name a lot of times, since we bumped into 2 of them. You always looked out for me in the crowd, making sure that I’m okay. You were amazing.

You are such a great person and friend, it aches me and kills me to know that you like me. Because I really want you to be so happy and I’m the only one that you think can give you that but no.. I wish I could split myself into 2 so that I could make you as happy too. But I can’t. When you break someone’s heart, your heart gets broken too. I was so upset that night, I just really wish that no one would be unhappy and affected because of me at all. Everyone deserves true happiness. I don’t deserve to be loved by so many people. I just need that 1 guy, and I’ve found him.

 

So please be okay, BX.

Thank you, C

by freckiejackie

For compromising with me.

Even though you don’t like Japanese food, you don’t like soupy stuff, you don’t like the yong tau fu my M cooked, you don’t like vegetables, you don’t like walking, you don’t like to spend a lot on food, you don’t like me going to clubs… You still let me have my way. You still wanna eat Jap food with me, you still suck thumb and finished the yong tau fu(- a lot of vege), you still let me satisfy my cravings, you let me choose places to eat, you let me go and have fun (while worrying your ass off) and you let me pee all the time without judging me my bladder. 

 

For taking care of me. 

For always bringing umbrella out and sweater(everytime we watch movie) because I always carry small bags out. And today you were freezing your ass off but you still insisted that I wear it the whole time. And you’ve never complained how troublesome it is for you. For always sending me home, no matter how tired/late it is. For making sure I don’t zao geng by reminding me to stand at the inner side of the escalators. For making sure that I have enough time for everyone else important in my life. My grandparents(my twice a week routine), my sister(when she’s back in town), my friends(you always make sure that I know that I can reply you late when I’m out with them) For making sure that I don’t step into puddles and random holes. 

 

For trying. 

My sis told me before, even if you’re together with the most perfect guy but he doesn’t try, there’s no point. You asked me once what turns me on, I said gentlemen(HAHAHA DO YOU RMB THAT?) You’re definitely working on it. Mini mini gestures like that allowing me to enter places first, ordering for me, letting me order first, paying for chalet stuff by your own initiative. In some ways, you’re already a great gentleman. I just can’t wait to see how age and experience will change and make you become a true blue gentleman. 

 

For accepting my past.

I was a… I dated many boys. And some of them came back to haunt me. I’ve always felt overwhelming emotions when they remind me of the past. That’s because I’ve truly liked them at some point of time in my life. And they were truly nice to me. It just scares me because it made me realised that not everyone who treats you well will continue doing that forever and the promises and bullshit said probably didn’t mean anything to them in the first place. And whenever they decide to come back and remind me of the past, I was always afraid that I don’t know how to love someone right because it always reminded me that I’ve never actually fell in love with anyone before. I’d rather be alone than hurt anyone you know? Especially you. That’s what I meant by raw I guess. Overwhelmed with emotions. Helpless. Lost. 

 

For staying.

I told you so many times I just don’t know how you do it. I myself know that I’m not easy to be around with. I’m so unstable, my memory sucks, I can be thoughtless and insensitive sometimes, I can be quite spoilt, I can be unreadable, I left and you allowed me to come back. I don’t ever want to leave this, no matter what happens. 

 

I know there are some stuff I left out, but I just want to type this all down so that whenever things get hard in future, I can look back at all these posts and know that I have reasons to fight for you, for us. Like how you’ve never stopped. Or whenever I need a smile or need an assurance, I can just read all these posts and get a warm tingly sensation without downing shots(: 

by Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

In August, Greg Hampikian wrote an Op-Ed piece for the NY Times, “Men, Who Needs Them?” and essentially asked: since we have artificial insemination… are men still necessary? Every so often some writer or thinker gets the big idea humanity has finally transcended Nature and wonders if we can ignore the laws of the natural order. Usually it’s a man. This time it’s a man… asking about the power of women.

I’m a natural-born feminist. I love that women are gaining power. I’ve always considered women as equals in every way possible. But it seems our man, Greg, wants to go one better. He suggests women are the only necessary part of humanity. To my ears, that ain’t kosher. It’s time someone defend men from this ridiculousness.

The question, “Does humanity still need men?” speaks right to the heart of the rapid ascent of women. The advances of…

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by Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

You’re that I’m-not-looking-for-a-relationship type. You’re the fine-on-my-own-and-I-do-what-I-want type. The type that feels like sex is liberating, especially when it’s casual and selfish. You make it clear you’re not interested in “anything serious” and you draw the line in the sand. When the other person starts to inevitably develop feelings, you push back and push him away.

Until.

Someone new catches you off guard with a witty comment or a hidden talent. And suddenly you’re intrigued, and you’re bored with the last one because he still wants to date and you keep repeating yourself, so you might as well explore something else. And you actually give this new person the time of day, because he’s smart, and you can tell.

You agree to see him, because why not? And suddenly you’re both awkward and eager, and you realize you have more in common than you ever expected. You wonder where he’s…

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