Thank you for treating me like a Princess today. ❤
The best part? For absolutely no reason at all.
Thank you for treating me like a Princess today. ❤
The best part? For absolutely no reason at all.
Doing MANSE essay just reminded me of all those times in Year 1 and 2. I don’t know what went wrong to make our clique (the 8 girls) to be so distant nowadays. Or with my groupmates, Ray Amierul Amanda. Now we all seem to exist around one another just to get pass another day of school.
I remember when one of the days in Year2, I stained my denim shorts, Syimah stayed in the toilet with me to dry my shorts. And after class, the whole clique came into the toilet and helped me think of what to do and even lent me their shorts(HP). I just wish time wouldn’t pass so quickly.
Or how group meetings were heart-to-heart talk first then the last hour was when we started to do the real work.
I just.. okay abrupt end again.
I was popular in high school. I was one of the captains of the girl’s soccer team, I was a cheerleader for three years, and I ended up as a finalist in the Homecoming Court. I never had trouble getting attention from boys or getting compliments from other students. I woke up 90 minutes before the start of my first class every day to make sure my hair was perfectly straightened, my outfit was perfectly matched, and that my makeup was perfectly applied. I tried everything to be perfectly perfect.
Ever since I can remember I have been a complete hardass on myself. I lack self-esteem in almost every area of my life from looks to grades to personality. I don’t think I’m good enough for myself or for other people, so I naturally transformed into an annoying perfectionist. I put an overwhelming amount of pressure on myself to get…
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Pro: Your ineffectual fist will fit easily in his, as his hands are substantially larger. His mugs radiate heat as if they had a handle and were filled with chai tea. He will squeeze your hand just a smidgen tighter when walking past a questionable individual. You will inevitably feel safe.
Con: You will be rendered incapable of locating a worthwhile resting point for your hands while walking in his absence. You will fight the urge to grab a random stranger’s hand, if only to feel some phalanx warmth. You will feel a smidgen more vulnerable when walking past a questionable individual. You will miss him.
Pro: As you lean into him he turns his body towards yours and you are able to sink into complete acceptance. You feel wanted by him and the stability…
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How can I be so happy and leading such a perfect life with all around me people are broken and helpless?
You know I feel like my life is complete now? Like if I were to die right now, I would have no regrets whatsoever? Of course I have so much things I wanna do but haven’t done yet. But if I were to die at this very moment, I’d die in peace. I feel that content with my life right now.
Firstly, a wonderful and almost perfect family that loves me(parents, grandparents, sister, people who I know would do anything and everything for me). Secondly, an annoying asshole who loves me so much that I’d never thought anyone would be able to except for my parents & sister. So much so that he taught me how to love him and myself so freely and exclusively. Thirdly, friends who grew up with me, shared my joy, secrets, never judged me and have never left my side even when I was hard to get to. Lastly, a really comfortable lifestyle, a healthy body, a pleasant face. Exactly what more can I ask for?
I’m rarely proud. But I’m telling you today, right now, I’m proud of my life and the people who take up so much of time in my life. I don’t think I will ever explain all these to my parents or anyone because I don’t need a response. And usually when you tell someone something, a response is required. But not this post.
My parents always want to me plan ahead. Think 2 steps ahead. & I’m always toeing the line. And when I step slightly out of line, I get frustrated with myself, life in general and I’d purposely dance out of the line and be so cold & distant that no one would dare come close knowing they’d get nothing but a frostbite. There are so much things I didn’t tell them, mainly because they were wayyy out of the line and I didn’t want to disappoint them further. During dinner with Uncle S and his family, I brought up a point that I want to migrate. Something I’ve always talked about subtly but my parents never took it seriously I guess. Why would they anyway? Everything I’ve done hadn’t been serious.
Many of my friends now have this … Want to be different. Which sometimes can be a little pretentious. It just makes me wonder what the hell is age and experience doing to us. Why do we want to dramatise our life? Why live on pretense emotions?
I wanted to study overseas in university. Away from family, friends and try to find the old me again. Change is inevitable. But I miss being.. SO happy. Like I’m on freaking drugs 24/7. I’m happy now but I’m dull. I feel dull. Like somewhere some bulb in me just blew and I’ve don’t have an extra bulb. I’m so used to being either who people want me to be or being closed up and all quiet. I want to be able to constantly live in the moment and not watch my life pass me by. I want to run free, run wild, dance the night away. Like how I am during clubbing and zumba nights. I laugh and smile a lot at my mother when we danced together. But after that, I’m back to my shell. I can’t control. Now I’m always anywhere else but in the moment. Sometimes of course, days like these, I am transported back to the moment and I just feel so content and blessed. I bask in the moment, and then when something happens or something is being said, I get affected and the whole mother freaking cycle starts again.
Today I was served by a hearing-impaired person and I wanted to cry. But I forgot how to. Of course that’s impossible but that’s what it felt like. I just felt so damn.. Until now I still don’t know how to describe it. Amierul was asking me why was I sad and I told him I wasn’t. Which is true. I just.. Wasn’t .. No i was happy. Idk. I didn’t pity him I just feel unfair for him and everyone else like him. Every disadvantage people. How can they have something missing from their life and I have mine so perfect?! I just felt like hugging him and saying I’m sorry which would be retarded. Silly stuff. Abrupt end.
Patience is a virtue. And I will never have enough.
If only I had listened to Justin Timberlake years ago when he sang, “What goes around comes all the way back around.” Now while I certainly realize that Justin was singing about karma being a total bitch, I have learned (the hard way of course) that things in life have a way of coming around, or coming back around, when the time is right. And this is where patience comes into the picture.
I will be the first to admit that it’s hard to have patience in a world that moves so very quickly, when time passes in the blink of an eye. It’s hard when you miss someone dear to you and want to hold them close, or at least see their smiling face in person and not only on a computer screen. It’s hard when you want to…
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1. Elderly couples holding hands.
2. The laughter of babies/small children. (Yes, even for those of you who think they are little monsters.)
3. When you witness any sort of kindness being done to a stranger.
4. When you observe “friends” who so obviously like each other as more than friends.
5. Bacon. (As a person with vegetarian tendencies, I disagree, but many will inevitably smile at this, so I’m including it.)
6. Remembering a fond childhood memory.
7. Finding something you’ve lost.
8. Unexpectedly running into a long lost friend that you miss.
9. Getting flowers, a card, or a message of love in the form of a call, text, email, or voicemail from someone that you love.
10. When your crush/someone you’re really attracted to smiles at you first.
11. Pictures from high school or college of you and your friends having a good time.
12. When the…
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Us humans, well, we like to band-aid everything.
We put on band-aids to cover up failures, to hide battle scars, to mask heartache. We put on band-aids in an attempt to disguise hurt, fear or doubt. We put on band-aids to try and ease the sting from the rejection we received, or to mend the burn we felt when we were forced to watch everything we care about be ripped from our grasp. We put on band-aids when we slip hard, to lessen the brunt of our falls.
We put on band-aids as a means of protection. We put on band-aid after band-aid to add barriers between us and everything we are afraid of. Everything that has hurt us, or has the potential to. We put on band-aids to dull the pain. We wear so many layers of band-aids that we don’t even recognize our own flesh and blood anymore…
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Dear guys in your twenties,
We have a problem. Everyone sucks. It’s common knowledge that even full-grown men are just giant children with jobs and apartments. But it’s getting ridiculous. Listen, if you’re not in college and you’re not totally relying on your parents for support, it’s time to nut up and learn how to be a man. And not just a regular man. No, let’s strive to become a bona fide gentle-man. It’s easy, I swear. Here are a few tips to make this transition into actual person-hood smoother:
1. Stop wearing hats inside. If you’re bald and wearing that stocking cap is your trademark style, eh, maybe. But otherwise, don’t wear your ball cap at the dinner table in a nice restaurant. Or a shitty restaurant, for that matter. You look like a frat boy with no class and too much of your parents money. So stop.
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